Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
