I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
