It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
