the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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