life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
