You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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