the new term for farting is butt boxing.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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