In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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