We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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