Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
