My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
