She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
