i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
