dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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