I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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