For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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