i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
