fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
