Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
