I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
