I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Someone came in the potted fern
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
