just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
