Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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