Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
