I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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