Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
