she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
