You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
