FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
