i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We are two peas in an std pod
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
