Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
