Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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