At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
