evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize