He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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