his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
