it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize