i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
