Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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