I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
