nut hugger
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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