The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
