I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
