you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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