she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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