This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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