I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
pop tarts are not kleenex
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
