yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me I should be a condom model.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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