that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
