I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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