he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
