Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
