i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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