she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
