Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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