You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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