one two three fourrrrnication!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk walkin through police station. America
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
