We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
