If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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