Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
