You were right. It hurts to walk today.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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