her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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