its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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