apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
