I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
