I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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